What You Feel
by The Bronze Bhoy
Summary: Xander and Cordelia are both struggling to come to terms with what they feel after their kiss in the basement. This short story follows their thoughts after the incident.


Please note that this is my first ever fanfic so not sure how you will like it. Please R&R and all tips and advice are welcome. Please enjoy.

Disclaimer: All character in this story and those of the Buffyverse belong to the genius of Joss Whedon.

Characters: Xander H, Cordelia C .

Timeline: During Season 2.

_Xander_

Xander Harris sat alone in a dark corner of the Doublemeat Palace. He absent mindedly prodded the lettuce with his fork around his half eaten cheeseburger that he was no longer in the mood for. A few hours ago his life had been so simple. Wake up in the morning, school, homework, patrol, sleep. Easy. Just the way he liked it. Now she had to go and ruin everything. God he couldn't stand her. Well he said he couldn't . Now he wasn't so sure. This morning she had just been Cordelia Chase, long time pain in his butt. Although lately she had been making an effort to be nicer to him and the rest of the Scoobies. At least he thought she was being nicer. Who could tell? And then he had to go and kiss her. Worse, she went and kissed him back. It's amazing what being near death can do to a man. All these feelings were coming at him now, racing through his head and he didn't like it. There was too many of them. **Anger. **He was quite angry with himself for doing such a stupid thing. **Shame. **The rest of the gang would not be happy about this. He felt one thing more than any other though. **Pride. **When all is said and done, he, Xander "the loser" Harris, had kissed Queen C. Cordy Chase. Head cheerleader. _The_ most popular girl in school. He couldn't help it if he felt quite happy with himself. He was only human after all and Cordelia was hot. Although, to be honest with himself, Xander really never thought this day would come. When he actually began to have feelings for the girl that had been his sworn enemy ever since she had told the rest of the kids in pre-school that he had had a little "accident" in the sandbox then that truly would be the day that pigs would fly. But hey, this was Sunnydale and anything was possible. Even flying pigs. She didn't always annoy him though. Sometimes he liked her. Even when she insulted him and he insulted her back, he never really meant anything he was saying. He loved the little crease that formed on her forehead every time he got on her nerves. Which was a lot. That cute little crease that formed just before he kissed her. He loved the way her lips pouted in annoyance for the same reason just before he .. "_Stop", _Xander commanded himself. He was thinking about this way to much. She probably didn't even care. No doubt he was just another "Cordy Conquest" although he had a feeling he wasn't the kind that she would be bragging about to the rest of her friends. So maybe he wasn't? Again Xander had to stop himself. He needed fresh air to clear his head of all of this Cordelia stuff. _Cordelia. _Even her name was pretty. "That's it," Xander said to himself, "I am outta here." With that, he wiped his hands on his napkin, left a more than generous tip for the burger he had hardly touched and headed out into the cool summer night.

_Cordelia_

Cordelia Chase washed her hands and face for what must have been the millionth time and took a good long look at herself in the bathroom mirror. She touched her lips softly. The lips that Xander had touched himself not two hours ago. "Yuck," Cordelia thought to herself but immediately felt a stab of guilt. Why should she feel guilty? Xander was a loser and she didn't know what had came over herself. But she did feel guilty. Guilty for feeling shame and disgust because deep down she knew that Xander deserved better. Sure they may not have always gotten along but he had saved her life a few times and lately things weren't as heated between them. That didn't give him the right to go kissing her like that though. She had to admit though, she enjoyed it. He knew what he was doing for a loser. Again, she felt hot pangs of guilt and again she felt angry at Xander for making her feel like this. Stupid jerk. Who the hell was he to go making her feel things that she didn't want to feel? Nobody that's who and that's all that he was. A nobody. Lately though, he was becoming less and less of a nobody. Sure, nobody else would see it outside their precious Scooby Gang but she noticed it. She noticed how he was first to jump to the rescue to one of his friends against some disgusting creature of the night even if he had no chance of overcoming the monster. Yet, he tried. He was so brave and courageous and she owed him a great debt of gratitude because of it. She really should thank him for everything he had done for her. She never would of course, she knew that and so did he probably but the truth was that she was thankful even if she would never admit it. She stroked her hair out of her face and sighed. Life had been easier before Buffy Summers turned up in Sunnydale. Sure, she knew now that the graveyard would probably be a lot busier if she had never turned up but things would be simpler. She never would have noticed Xander that's for sure. Which would mean she wouldn't have been thrown into these life and death situations with him which then led to .. You know. Yeah, it was all Buffy's fault. It wasn't Buffys fault though that, for a geek, Xander was pretty attractive. She wasn't going to shout from the heavens about what happened, or tell anyone for that matter, but she had kissed much worse than him. Even though he did get really under her skin sometimes, he was okay she guessed. There were little things that he did that she liked. She pretended she didn't but she did. Like the way he always had an insult ready for her after she would begin the verbal ping pong and it always got her a little uptight. She did like that. She pretended she was annoyed and angry but she wasn't. She knew he was going to kiss her in that moment when he began to insult her. And she knew she was going to kiss him back. And now she was stuck with these stupid feelings. She decided she needed a walk just to get her head straight. Maybe she would stop by April Fools. A good shopping spree always made her feel better and would definitely help her get her head straight. She found her jacket and then slipped out into the night. Even though it was night it was summer so thankfully the sun was still shining down on the Hellmouth and she wouldn't have to worry about any monsters or vampires on her stroll. Uh oh. She hadn't reckoned on the sight in front of her while on her walk though. Far worse than anything Hell could throw at her. Xander Harris was approaching and there was nowhere to hide..

Xander panicked. He only noticed her when it was too late and now there was nowhere to run. Within seconds, although it felt like an eternity to them, they stood sheepishly in front of each other with both scared to make the first move. He had never been so aware of how loud his stomach churned when was nervous. Or how red his face had probably had went. God, why couldn't she just leave. For once, Cordy was speechless. She didn't know what to say and the longer she stayed quiet, the worse this would get.

Finally, Cordelia broke the silence. "Nice night."

"Yup, nice night indeed," Xander replied. Why oh why did he have to be such a dork. "Nobody says indeed anymore you idiot," he thought to himself.

Finally he knew what to do. He plucked up the courage to face Cordelia.

"Didn't expect to see you walking," he said, "did the worst driver in Sunnydale fail her test yet again?". He grinned at her.

That little crease formed on her forehead. He liked that.

How dare he make fun of her. But, she liked that.

Slowly, the two moved closer together…


End file.
